Waffles, Chocolates, and Worn Out Shoes: In All Honesty...

Transfer Verdict: Staying in Lelystad, becoming the new Sister Training Leader, my new companion is Zr. Jensen. I am pretty excited! Now this means that I am in my own graveyard... I will most likely be here until I die in April! We had a very busy week here in Lelystad. Zr. Watts' bike got a flat tire so we were walking all over the place. Which is no biggie, my boots are just taking a nice hit. Gotta love having to glue the soles all the time. Who would have thought that coming to Europe you would still wear out your shoes so bad? Anywho my time is very limited, I apologize. (I am sure I say that every week) We had the opportunity to go to the temple with Zr. Low (a member from Lelystad). When we got there, a few other sisters from the branch were there. It was a beautiful session. I had gone in with a list of questions and concerns. However I felt like nothing was coming, it was very uplifting but each time that I sat to pray my mind went blank. No words came. WHY? When we got to the end of the session and I was sitting there, hoping for some sort of big personal revealatory moment. Again nothing was coming. I got up and went back to the locker room. As I was in the locker, I knelt down and said a prayer. It was there kneeling on the floor of the temple in the locker that I felt the most comforted. I had prepared for the temple, wanting some Liahonna experience. The Lord knows I work in a different way than that, and I need to remember that. While praying, it was mostly thoughts coming from the spirit. The Lord already knows everything, I communicate with him on a daily basis. And so my coming to the temple was an opportunity to truly be at peace. To in fact leave the world behind me. To just sit. Because outside the temple, at home or on the bike, I sit and my mind is in a million directions. Even during prayers is it hard sometimes to stay focused or even stay awake... oops! But when I was at the temple I was speechless, with the hopes of visions and things. But nothing truly came. However, the spirit told me this was his way of giving me true peace. To not be stressed. My mind in 40 different places. To not feel depressed or discouraged or alone. To know that I am safe. He is with me. I was able to have a moment to be "yielded and still." This week we spent some time in Amsterdam working with the sisters there. Went to a funeral. Visited a ton of people while Watts said her goodbyes. But I want to share something that I learned or realized this week. Now I am sure you all know that missions are hard. Every one has thier own experiences, their own challenges. The mission is perfectly desinged for us each individually, for our growth. Something my companion, Zr. Watts pointed out to me this week was how open I am with people. The fact that I am not afraid to tell them what is up, how I am feeling and struggling, or able to help the gospel be relatable to them. Which I didn't quite realize, but I am. Throughout my mission I have not been afraid to hold back, if the Spirit guides me. Since coming to Lelystad I think I have become more open. Anywho I am rambling... The point is I am going to be open and real with you now. My time as a missionary has been H A R D. My "hard", is no harder than someone else's "hard". Being a missionary, and daughter of God suffering with depression is not a fun roller coaster. There have been so many dark moments, lonely evenings, and questioning my purpose. However despite my weaknesses and the hard times, I know that the Lord has been by my side 100% of the way. The word "painful" is a good word to describe this whole journey. The Lord literally plays with your heart strings, pushes you to your limits, and then gives you the greatest experiences of your life. I know so much more about myself, and dots have connected. Who would have thought I needed to come to Nederland and Belgium to find myself. Pain is a gauge of the healing process. Christ chose to experience pains and afflictions in order to better understand us. Perhaps we also need to experience the depths of mortality in order to understand Him and our eternal purposes. Our great personal challenge in mortality is to become "a saint through the Atonement of Christ". The pain I experience may be where this process is most measured. So with that said, I chose to be out here. I chose to stay, to get up each and every day. I know that I walk shoulder to shoulder with the Lord. I quote, "Will you not now return unto me.. and be converted that I may heal you?" 3 Nephi 9:13 The Lord loves us. I know that He is so very well aware of us. The fact that I am still here is proof of that. That is the testimony which I share each day. That Christ Lives. He is our source of healing, hope and love. I am honored to be his disciple. I will work each and everyday to invite others to come unto him. No matter how hard or dark it gets, the Light of Christ lights the way and reminds me that I am about a marvelous work. Don't forget his love and his endless worry about you. Turn to him and let him heal you. I love you all, thanks for you continuous support! I hope you have a wonderful week! -- Zuster Young Last District Meeting of the Transfer